


As if by Fate

by DarkHestia



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHestia/pseuds/DarkHestia
Summary: When Lucy saves a lost totem of Bickslow, she bonds with the little thing. They slowly begin a friendship. Bickslow is intrigued, his totems never are social to people outside of the Thunder Legion. Even though Cosplayer has saved Papa from a dog why was his totem still going to her, weeks later? There had to be more about the two and he would find out what.
Relationships: Bickslow/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 9
Kudos: 146





	1. Chapter one

Happily whistling Lucy skipped down the road to the guildhall. The day couldn't have gone any better. Not only had she completed her first solo mission, but she also had enough Jewel to pay for the necessities plus some extra. While she was dreaming about what she'd do with the extra money, she suddenly heard a cry for help. Immediately wary she looked around. The cry happened again but all she saw was a dog with a chew toy. She halted in her steps, that toy seemed awfully familiar. "Where did that cry come from," she mumbled to herself. The cry came again, this time more desperate than before. Now she knew why the toy seemed so familiar, it wasn't a toy at all. It was one of Bickslow's totems. She tried to approach the dog carefully while getting a sandwich out of her bag. She'd planned to eat it on the train but except hadn't been hungry.  
"Hello little guy," she said to the dog when she reached it holding out the sandwich, "I'm sure this will taste a lot better than a wooden totem, don't you agree?" The dog let the totem fall and before it ran away it snatched the sandwich out of her hand.  
"Are you alright?" Lucy asked the totem worriedly. It shakily tried to rise from the ground. "Here let me help you." Lucy scooped the totem up and cradled it in her arms. The totem turned itself and looked up to her. "I miss daddy," it whined.  
"I know, you had quite the fright, haven't you," Lucy said soothingly. She stood up from the ground. "I was going to the guildhall. I'm sure Bickslow will be there. He must be worried sick about you. You aren't hurt I hope?" In the end, her voice turned worried again. She looked over the totem seeing that it was riddled with bite marks."  
"I can't feel pain. I just want to be back. He has never left me like this. What if.." The little totem cut himself off as if embarrassed.  
"What if..?" Lucy asked leadingly. They were still quite far from the guild. "I don't know if it will help, it's just if you want to talk. You can talk with me. I promise I won't tell anyone what you'll say except when you give me the go-ahead. And you can trust me on that. I am a celestial mage so I can't break any promises."  
"What if daddy doesn't want me back?" it asked in a small voice.  
"Why wouldn't he want to?" Lucy was puzzled. She never had had much contact with Bickslow though even if she hadn't it was obvious he loved the little guys. He was always paying attention to them. Even when he was talking to the rest of the Thunder Tribe she saw him checking upon them.  
"Well daddy has us to help us cross over the next realm and I am the oldest of us. What if he has given up on me. What if he doesn't need me any more?" The totem began to talk faster and faster.  
"Stop it!" Lucy forcefully said. "I am sure he doesn't think that. I may not know him very well but I have seen how he is with you guys. He loves you all very much and I am sure he is out of his mind with worry for you now."  
"But Pippi and Poppo have each had 2 different souls before these. They all seem to get to move on except for me, I have been with him since the start" This was news to Lucy, she'd thought the totems housed one soul. How many wandering souls had Bickslow helped to cross over? Her heart skipped a beat when she thought about the caring and determination that must have cost the seith mage. Thought he always came across as irresponsible and goofy, she now saw that there was much more to him.  
"Not everyone is the same," she said. "Some people mourn if their pet fish has died and others flush it down the toilet and don't feel a thing about it. What I mean is that you can't compare yourself to the other souls. Did you have the same kind of life? Is there unfinished business? I think that you're not a wandering soul by chance. Have you ever thought about that Bickslow needs you? He cares very much about you all and you have been the first. How old was he when you came to him?"  
"He was still a baby, seith mages are born with it. At first, I didn't have a body. I just floated around him and when he grew older he began to make me totems."  
"There, you see? Maybe you were meant to be by his side, be the one companion that stays with him." She gave the totem a small kiss and saw that they had reached the guildhall. "I totally forget to introduce myself. My name is Lucy. Now shall we see if your daddy is in the hall?"She energetically pumped her fist in the air.  
"Yes," the totem said brightly," and my name is Pappa."  
"Nice to meet you, Pappa." Lucy smiled brightly and opened the doors to the guildhall.  
Tables and chairs were flying around. As usual, a fight had broken out. Dodging and weaving herself through the mess she fell down on one of the bar stools. "It will be hard to find Bickslow in this mess," she muttered to the totem. She looked to the second floor where she saw Evergreen and freed talking but no sign of the one she was looking for. The Thunder Tribe had always intimidated her. They were all crazy strong and didn't seem very approachable, even now that Laxus wasn't in the guild any more they were the strongest team in Fairy Tail. At least that was how she felt. Steeling her resolve, Papa needed Bickslow, she carefully went upstairs. Luckily she wasn't hit with any furniture and safely reached the second floor. The conversation between Evergreen and Freed came to a stop when she went to their table.  
"May I help you, Miss Lucy?" Freed asked cordially. His eyes widened a little when he saw what she was holding. Before Lucy could even think to respond he began talking again. "Ever call Bickslow now. Pappa has been found."


	2. Chapter 2

===AibF=== ===AibF===

Lucy awkwardly stood in front of the two other mages. She didn't want to let go of Pappa and simultaneously was too self-conscious to look anywhere near them. She hardly heard Evergreen talking over the lacrima instead was training all her focus on the little totem noticing that one of his little wings was bitten off. "Lucy?" Pappa asked, "Is something wrong?" He began to shift a little, a clear sign that Bickslow was getting closer.   
Lucy felt her cheeks heat up. She couldn't say that she was intimidated by the presence of Bickslow's friends or how he would react to seeing her there. Even if she wanted to flee the scene, she couldn't abandon the little totem. She had to stay with him until he was back with his daddy. "It's nothing really," she muttered.  
"Nothing?" Pappa decided that it didn't matter. She was clearly nervous. Why he didn't understand. Bickslow and his friends were maybe rough around the edges, private and had been slightly on the wrong path not too long ago but they were good and loyal people. He resolved himself to keep her mind occupied with other things than that are currently running through the blonds head. He may not know exactly what was bothering her but he could help as she helped him. So he began to ask her about her favourite pastimes, foods and all sort of mundane things. They found out they shared a love for romance novels. Lucy, totally forgetting her previous nervousness, told Pappa excitingly about her own story. 

===AibF=== Meanwhile with Bickslow...

"Pappa!" Bickslow shouted whilst frantically looking around. He was flying on his totems searching for the lost one. "Come on man, this isn't funny anymore. Where are you?" He began to feel antsy, the totem had never been so long away from him. Pappa had been the one to convince him they could pull of the new move. Fat chance Bickslow'd thought but he had trusted his oldest friend. Without the guidance and support from Pappa, he wouldn't be where he was now. Lying dead in the gutter was more like it. He shook his head and plastered a smile on his face. It never did any good to think about those times. Feeling the walls getting back up he shouted again for his little totem. Mind back to how it happened. The move had, as Bickslow had predicted, failed. His little friends all flew in various directions, totally out of control. He had found the first four easily. However, Pippi had gotten stuck in the mud and he'd only gotten to hear Pappa's cry for help when it was already almost too late. He'd pulled Pippi as fast as he could out of the brown stuff, though it was for nought. The dog had run away.   
"If you don't shout now I won't help you reading tonight," Bickslow singsonged. He hardly finished the last note when he felt his lacrima buzzing. He pulled it out of his pocket watching how Evergreen's image materialized.  
"Medusa lovely to see you again, my fair maiden," he quipped. The fairy mage glared at him.  
"Shut up, can you never take anything seriously?" She closed her fan with an angry snap. "Lucy has found Pappa. She's with us at the guildhall." Not bothering to wait for an unquestionable perverted, answer she broke off the connection.   
"Come on babies!" Bickslow shouted eager, "let's get our comrade out of the bosom of our very own Cosplayer." The totems turned around zooming as fast as they could to the guildhall. 

After just a couple of minutes they arrived. Bickslow jumped off the totems, burst through the door, ran up the stairs and came to a screeching halt when he saw where Pappa was, comfortably nestled between Lucy's breasts. A lecherous grin formed on his face. "Mind if I join the party?" he asked suggestively. As he'd hoped Lucy turned a brilliant shade of red. She'd was just telling Pappa that he was welcome to read her novel. Though she wasn't comfortable to let Bickslow read it to him or just turn the pages, as Pappa had suggested, too afraid Bickslow would read the steamier paragraphs. It would be all over the guildhall if he got wind of it, she was positive about that. And speaking of the devil...  
"I- I-," she stammered, "I..." Luckily she was saved by the little totem. He flew up thrilled to see the seith mage again.   
"Daddy, sorry sorry sorry sorry," he kept repeating himself.  
"Yeah, you sure have to be sorry. To keep those lovely cushions for yourself." Pappa knew Bickslow had forgiven him for his miscalculation. He had been wrong and dearly paid the price. Though he had gotten something out of it, it wasn't something he wanted to repeat. "Mind sharing them the next time?" He waggled lewdly his eyebrows looking at Luce from head to toe.  
Lucy smiled at the two, still feeling out of balance but happy that Pappa was back with Bickslow. "I'll just, I'm gonna..," she haltingly said trailing off. "Bye," she brought out a bit too forcefully not looking at any of the members from the Thunder Legion. She turned around and ran down the stairs again, fleeing to the bar. Faintly hearing Freed lecturing Bickslow how he could have been more grateful to her instead of being his usual depraved self.

"A strawberry yoghurt please Mira," she told the barmaid hoping her blush had gone away. She would have gone sit by her team but they were away to help in a restaurant. They'd hoped she'd join them, but she had wanted a little alone time in her apartment after the last time Natsu and Gray had demolished it. They had almost destroyed her manuscript and she'd thought a little time away from them would be good for everyone. If she had gone with them she wouldn't have been held accountable for her actions. No doubt they would get in a fight again and destroy their surroundings. Sometimes she was really fed up with the two hotheads, though if she was totally honest she loved tho to dimwits. When she had cleaned her place, she noticed her couch dearly needed replacement. It was fortunate she could get a lovely second hand one. Still, it ate away at her savings and she'd been short on rent for the month. Hence the solo mission, where she had helped a young couple deciphering their inheritance which was in the form of riddles. Their parents had been in love with all kinds of puzzles and had tried their whole lives to pass down this love which hadn't succeeded. Though the couple felt bad they didn't do it themselves, they needed the house that came with. With her pregnant from twins, there wasn't enough space in their current household. To top it off there came a large sum of money with it, which they used to pay the celestial mage. She'd tried to refuse or get a smaller amount but they had insisted. Citing that they probably never would have gotten it without her.   
"Here you go," Lucy heard Mira say. If she wasn't mistaken there was a certain glint in the she-devil's eyes.   
"Something the matter?" she asked haltingly.  
"No nothing," the barmaid sweetly smiled, "I just noticed you coming in with one of Bickslow's totems, "that's all." Her smile became even more syrupy. "Mind telling me why?" Her angelic face betrayed nothing about the gears running through her head. Pictures of sweet little blond-haired and red-eyed babies filled her mind's eye.  
"Pappa was in trouble so I helped him," was all Lucy said about it. "Either way, have you seen Levi?" She hoped Mira would get the hint and drop the subject. She didn't want to think about their resident pervert in such a manner. No matter how good his shoulders looked in his almost medieval get up or how his jaw was perfectly formed. How she wanted to see his lovely red eyes, hardly seen through his visor. 'No, bad Lucy,' she admonished herself, 'don't think about it. It'll only lead to a broken heart.'  
Mira pointed to the table where Shadow Gear usually sat. Secretly pleased with what she could see in the all too telling expressions on Lucy's face.   
Lucy stood up, thanked Mira for the dessert and went to her blue-haired friend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've put the text through Grammarly, so all that has changed are grammatical and spelling errors.

Chapter 3

Freed frowned at Bickslow when Lucy left in a hurry, clearly disapproving of his behaviour. "You may want to go after her. She did, in fact, help Pappa and has benefited you greatly with it." Al he got in answer was an apologetic look and a "she can take it.". Evergreen was silently fuming. The disrespect he showed Lucy was inexcusable, she may not have a close relationship, or even a relationship at all, with the spunky blonde but there was no way Bickslows actions were remotely right. Hitting him with her fan she hissed at him that they all missed Laxus, all regretted their behaviour during the Fantasia Parade and that she was going home.  
"Bickslow," she sighed while standing up, "pushing her away won't erase that you attacked her. I know your sorry so don't be a pussy and don't hide behind your pervertness. Just say you're sorry if it is affecting you this much and thank her when you're already there."  
"Pervertness," Bickslow guffawed trying not to think too deeply about her words, "that's not a word Ever.   
"If I say it is, it is," she answered haughty sticking her nose a little further up in the air.  
"Bickslow's correct, Evergreen. It is indeed not an existing unit of language. It's pronounced as pervertedness," Freed told her calmly.  
"I said if I say it is, it is," she pointed out emphasizing it with another hit of her fan hitting both this time. "Now I bid you both adieu. My bathtub awaits." Both males rubbed their cheeks. Evergreen could hit rather hard, especially when she was wrong about something, knew she was wrong but didn't want to admit it.   
"Evergreen was right. Perchance you should go over to her," signalling to the bar. Bickslow grumbled under his breath, they really weren't letting this go. Pappa even gave off the vibe that he agreed with them, though his little totem didn't push him.   
"All right, all right," he grumbled throwing his hands up in defeat, "I'll thank her soon. Just not today. She seems to be busy right now. And indeed when they were talking Lucy had moved from the bar to Levi. Both were engrossed in a huge history tome. Pappa looked over to the celestial mage when he saw which book they were talking about he asked Bickslow with a hopeful tone if he minded if he went to them. Bickslow knowing his little totem couldn't shut up about the subject when getting into it. Furthermore, he'd be with Lucy and after her actions of that morning, Bickslow trusted her with his beloved spirit. "Sure, though be careful. Don't want to lose you again." Pappa nuzzled Bickslows cheek in thanks and told the two he would be back later, knowing that Freed would most likely be interested in what sort of book it had been. 

Mira watched Lucy leave the bar. 'Lucy and Bickslow?' she mused to herself cleaning a random glass from the counter, 'could it work? They both have demons, things that are holding them back. What if... Yes, it could work. I'll have to keep my eye on those two." The she-devil knew all too well how past experiences could hold you back. For her, it had caused that she'd been a cantankerous bitch when she was younger. She had only been able to shed the wall around her when it was too late when she had lost her sister. Only having her brother remaining she had been determined to face her troubled past and had become a better person for it. However, she wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for her family in Fairy Tail.   
"Yo Mira! Another barrel of beer." The shout pulled Mira from her thoughts.   
"Of course Cana," she answered, "coming right up."

Lucy's mouth fell open when she reached Levi's table barely remembering to balance her bowl of yoghurt. "Levi! How in the world did you get that book?" she asked astonished. The book she was referring to contained a complete and utterly unbiased history of the land of Isvan. Which was coincidentally also the name of the book. Lucy had thought all of the copies were destroyed or lost in time. She'd read referrals to it whilst her studies as a child but never had she dreamed to be in so close counters with it. It was truly a gem her friend had in her hands. She had meant to ask Levi if she'd mind if Pappa would be sitting in on their sessions about her own novel yet this had completely wiped it from her head.   
Levi looked up with an annoyed look on her face that within seconds changed when her eyes landed on the blonde. "Lulu isn't it fantastic? We got it on our last mission. The owner had roots in the land of Ivan though the family had long since stopped learning the language, so he had it put up as payment. We had to do some really gruelling disgusting work though for it." Levi beamed as she stared lovingly at the tome.   
"You are so lucky Lev," Lucy sighed dreamily, "I've always wanted to read it. It is said that even the whole story of the dark celestial wizard Lord Criebur. I always thought there was something fishy about the story. From what I learned in my lessons, in those times the land of Ivan did not call common folk a lord. It may happen if the dark wizard in question was the master of a guild or had another form of a following but he worked alone. Though the history books never mention anywhere a Criebur noble. I just know there is more than what we know there." The excited girl eyeballed the book. "Please please please can I borrow it from you some time?" She did her best to give Levi the best puppy-dog eyes she ever did whilst plopping down next to her.   
"Of course Lulu. After I'm finished with it," the bluet answered grinning. "And you're right. There is a whole chapter about it. From what I've seen so far there was much covered up." Levi flipped the pages until she came to the aforementioned chapter. There even were pictures of an old journal written by the mage himself. Lucy badly wanted to read them however before she could start Levi closed the book. "We have time for this later, now first why were you with the Thunder Legion?" The script mage still hadn't wholly forgiven them for their actions not too long ago. She could have condoned it more easily if all they had threatened was Fairy Tail. Threatening the people of Magnolia was a tad too far.   
"When I got back from my mission this morning, I bumped into Pappa, one of Bickslows totems, he was in a bit of a pickle so I helped him. He is truly the sweetest little thing. Now that you mention it I did have a question for you." Lucy took a bite from her yoghurt. Closing her eyes she let the sweet strawberry taste roll over her tongue. Her friend stared imploringly. Lucy truly was incorrigible when it came to this dessert. She had even encountered the blond taking a bite from the desert mid-sentence.   
"And that is..?"  
"Sorry." Lucy blushed embarrassed. She just couldn't help herself. The dessert tasted so good it could have come from the heavens themselves. "I just wondered if you'd mind if Pappa joined us in proofreading the newest chapters of my novel?" She pushed away a chair that was poking her annoyingly in the leg, not having noticed it before. People were already cleaning up after the latest fight though you could easily see there had been one not too long before.   
"Of course not." Levi frowned a little seeming deep in thought. "Can his totems read?" she wondered. Sooner than Lucy could answer her, a voice from her left boomed indignantly: "Of course we can! I simply can't turn the page, that's all" Pappa snuggled up to the fair-haired mage.   
"Pappa, what are you doing here? I thought you'd want to stay with Bickslow for a while?"  
"I just couldn't bear to be away from you, my lovely saviour." The totem nestled himself on her shoulder leaning against her neck. A few strands of her blond hair fell over the little guy. "Did she tell you she saved me from a vicious dog?" He asked turning a little so that the face of the totem looked at Levi. "It was a colossal beast. The shaft came up to her hips and though she had to fear life and limb she fought the terrifying beast with her bare hands and saved me from my doom." Lucy thought back at the incident and chuckled. All she did was give the dog a sandwich. No fear of limb or life was remotely involved.   
"You are too precious, you know that?" She let her head rest on Pappa. "I only gave the dog a sandwich as you're very much aware. But on to more important matters, Levi just told me that you are welcome to join us when we proofread the chapters."  
"Of course I am. I am truly lovable, you should elope with me now before you miss your chance. For all I know your friend will want to snatch me up." Lucy snickered. This was a whole other side of the little totem she hadn't seen before. It seemed as if the totem was wholly secure in his relationship with Bickslow again. She had a hard time comparing the Pappa of that morning to the one on her shoulder now. Though she didn't mind it one bit. Every time she interacted with the little totem she felt a bit freer. Ever since her mom passed away she felt as if she was made of lead which only got heavier by the years. It had eased up considerable when she had run away, but it never truly lifted. Even now she still felt it, difficult to notice but there.   
Levi watched amused at the interaction between her two table mates. "You can't marry Lucy," she said playing along, "what about Bickslow. He'd be so jealous one of his totems got a stunning brilliant girl before he did." Lucy blushed bright red.   
"I am not that great. Though I have to admit I do make a lovely visage. And you are beautiful as well Lev." She smiled at her friend, both ignoring Jet and Droy who were chanting her name as usual. They had been standing behind Levi the whole time. Lucy would have greeted them if she had thought they would hear her. A girl could only try so many times before giving up.   
"Our resident Iron eating dragon certainly seems to think so," Pappa laughed. The girls turned around and surely Gajeel was staring at them from the darkest corner of the guild. He was staring intently at Levi slowly munching on an iron bar. His red eyes seemed to shine through the darkness giving a macabre image. Levi shuddered lightly.  
"I still don't get what he is doing here. He's so... scary," she whispered. Lucy placed her hand on Levi's arm squeezing it lightly. She understood what her friend was going through. She still had nightmares about her torture occasionally. Though she was confident that the master wouldn't have let him join if he was redeemable. So she told her friend her thoughts.  
"And for all we know he has been alone since the dragons disappeared. We can't know what it was like being raised by one and then to be suddenly on your own. The world is a hard place. Certainly for a child. Maybe he just needed a chance to prove to himself that he can be better than he was whilst being in Phantom Lord. Think about it. He probably had been training with his dragon longer than Natsu with his. It surely seemed as if Gajeel had a stronger grip on his magic than Natsu. Gajeel is also physically stronger than him, has the upper mass and everything. For all accounts and purposes, Gajeel should have won the fight. This begs the question, why?"  
"Because he wasn't in it with his heart like Natsu, is that what you mean?"   
"Right, so until he proves otherwise, I have chosen to forgive him." Pappa snuggled a bit further into Lucy. He had known his saviour had a big heart, everyone knew it in the guild. He merely hadn't understood how big it truly was. He had to make sure to cultivate his friendship with her. The only problem was Bickslow. Lucy had already indicated she didn't want his daddy to know about her book though how he had to be away from his daddy without him getting curious was beyond him.  
"I don't think I can do that so easily," Levi mumbled desolate. She hated how she feared the former dark mage. These days she only felt safe when Jet and Droy were standing behind her like loud supportive pillars. The stares also didn't help. The only reason she hadn't fled the guildhall was that she didn't want to admit defeat. She was a Fairy Tail mage and nothing could withhold her from her own guildhall.  
"No one will blame you for it. You more than anyone are entitled to have your reservations. What he did to you, Jet and Droy is totally inexcusable. All I am saying is give him a chance to show he can be better than a lowlife. Sometimes all people need is a chance to show the world who they truly are and I think Gajeel hasn't shown it to anybody in a very long time."   
The three sat in silence for a while. None noticed how Gajeels eyes had widened a bit or how he leaned a bit further into the light trying to overhear their conversation. He couldn't blame Levi for being intimidated by him. It was the reason he stared so intently, he wanted to make his excuses to the four though he didn't know how to do it. A simple sorry didn't erase his sins and he definitely didn't deserve their forgiveness. How the blond could give it to him without him apologizing for what he'd done was truly an enigma. He had treated her like crap and she just shakes it off as if it's nothing and forgives him.   
"Another reason I came here," Pappa said breaking the silence, "was that book you're holding Levi. It couldn't possibly be 'The complete and utterly unbiased history of the land of Isvan', could it?"   
That got the dialogue again. They went back to the chapter about Lord Criebur. The known story about how he forced himself upon the daughter of Highlord Vu Dremall was written. It pointed out all the holes in the story. How did he get there? What was he doing there? Why was there no punishment listed for it? Nothing added up. Then there was the other side the author had written on the basis of the journal pages that were shown. It told a story about a lord who loved a commoner and married her. How the Lord was one step below the Highlord in question. How his daughter kept stalking him every time he went to her father for business. He hadn't mentioned it, fearing Dremall wouldn't believe him. And when he came to tell about his newborn son, the girl had later told her father he took her virginity by force. No matter how much he protested or tried to prove he couldn't have done it, the loving father believed every word. When they read what happened afterwards Lucy couldn't contain her tears.   
"So that's why he killed those people in such a gruesome manner. How could they have done such a thing to a newborn? This is... This is.. I can't believe this. This is beyond horrible" She almost regretted having read the chapter though it still lifted her spirits knowing that another celestial mage hadn't been fully evil without cause. Having been through what he had been would fracture the most goodhearted person. The other side filled in all the gaps of the story, explaining it so much she couldn't get around it. This was the true story. She pulled Pappa gently from her shoulder and clutched him tightly to her chest. Holding the totem seemed to soothe her somehow.  
"I feel for his wife, to lose your child in such a way while being forced to watch?" Levi snivelled, "it's no wonder she soon followed."  
"People like them, who'd do such despicable things always get their comeuppance," Pappa said voice full of confidence. "When we aren't being helped by a seith mage we just wander the Earth invisible, only able to watch and wait. No seith mage of repute shall help such a soul and those souls never pass on, wandering the earth. A soul so dark will get a smaller and smaller imprint until even the seith mages themselves can't feel them any more. Only able to watch for eternity. The only way to escape such a fate is true remorse and if they didn't feel it while living, they most often won't in death."  
This seemed to have closed the conversation on the topic. The trio went over the book for another half an hour until Lucy mentioned wanting to get back to her apartment. It had been a long day and she wanted nothing more than have a good soak before crawling in her bed. Pappa also bid his farewells afore flying back to Bickslow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never forget, Reviews help keep the creative juices flowing =P
> 
> Untill next time <3


	4. Chapter 4

The next day when Lucy awoke she felt a strange kind of loss. It took a moment to realize that she missed waking up next to the pink-haired moron. He was always warm, comfortable and was the perfect blend of a younger- and older brother all in one hot-headed package. "Wel it seems I've forgiven him," she murmured to herself. Shaking off the negative feelings, she threw the blankets off of her and jumped out of bed ready to tackle the day. Summoning Plue for the company he'd give her, she went into the kitchen and started making breakfast. "French toast or pancakes today?" she asked her little spirit.

"Pun-punnn," he answered.

"Alright!" she cheered, "that was what I was craving too." Setting Plue upon the countertop, she rapidly began to search for all the ingredients.

"Plue, do you remember where I placed the bread?" As if the Nikora had read her thoughts, he came wobbling over with the requested item. "Thank you, now can you poor in the milk when I crack the eggs?" For a while, the two worked together seamlessly. It wasn't the first time Lucy cooked breakfast with her dog-spirit. Plue dipped the bread in the batter when Lucy fried it consequently. When they were finished, she handed the powdered sugar over. "It's all yours," she grinned remembering that it was Plue's favourite thing to do. The snowman lookalike enthusiastically emptied the sugar over the french toast giving at an almost winterlike look. After having set the table, the two dug into their respective breakfasts.

___________________________________

Joyously whistling Lucy entered the guildhall. The one-on-one time she'd had with her dog-spirit had certainly lifted her spirits. Looking around she saw that there was no sign of her team or new friend yet. There was hardly a sign of anyone to be precise. It seemed that her guildmates had had another long night. The day after such nights were always late to start. Only the ones that didn't participate in general were accounted for. She walked to the bar thinking that Mira may have an idea when they'd return.

"Goodmorning Mira."

"Morning Lucy, can I get you anything?" she answered.

"No, I just ate at home. Though would you know when Natsu and the others are back?"

"So you have forgiven them?" Mira smiled knowingly.

"Since this morning, yes. I mean, I knew before I'd forgive them, but sometimes they are just too much. I don't know how often it has happened a book has gone up in flames. Or that the chairs are hard as a rock thanks to Gray." She smiled fondly, without their fights the two wouldn't be the same. The last time they went over the line. She'd told them precisely where her most treasured possessions lay. And where do you think they began fighting? Right next to it. She may not know much about friendships thanks to her childhood, but she couldn't conceive that this was something she was in the wrong for. If she hadn't told them where the irreplaceable, important things were, then naturally she would be at fault. Though she had told them. Natsu multiple times even.

"Can't imagine chairs covered in ice are comfortable, no," Mira chuckled. "And you're in luck, I spoke to Lisanne this morning. The restaurant has taken off so it cant be much longer before they're back home. It sure is quiet around here without them." They had to postpone their conversation for a while since there was an order. Lucy felt the pang of loneliness again. She had never realized how much she depended on her team. They drove her crazy sometimes, but they were also the laughter in her life. Something she had missed since the death of her mother. It was her fault, she knew it in her heart. She was just so angry at the time that she feared she would explode on them. And than... She couldn't lose them, especially Natsu, he felt like family. Her mind drifted further and further into dark thoughts, now that nothing was keeping it at bay.

"Lucy... Luuucyyyy..." The celestial mage didn't answer, staring with a blank face in the distance. "Hey Cosplayer," Pappa shouted. This seemed to pull her from her thoughts. Her eyes met the little totem brightening instantly.

"Pappa," she smiled, "when did you come in?" It was kind of odd how uplifting Pappa's presence was when you took into consideration she only just yesterday began talking to the little totem.

"Almost an hour ago, " he replied deadpan. "Where in the world was your mind? I was calling you over and over. Don't tell me..." He seemed to ponder for a moment. "You just couldn't wait to see me again."

"Of course I couldn't," Lucy replied trying to sound as if she were joking. Truth be told, she felt awful all kinds of emotions were running through her and the little totem helped to ease them up. She didn't know why or how, but somehow he helped in a way even her team didn't. They would be horrified to know how many times she was breaking from the inside when she had a smile on her face. Pappa frowned internally, he wasn't sure but Lucy seemed a bit too honest at the moment.

"Is something wrong?" he asked concerned. When he was still sitting with Bickslow, Evergreen and Freed he'd mused about going to his new friend but had thought she'd get fed up with him if he'd bother her too much. After a while, he couldn't stay away anymore. She was looking so desponded that his heart broke a little. There was something seriously wrong and he'd find out what.

"Well, I just miss my team. That's all." She looked gloomily to the floor for a moment before visible shaking it off and continuing. "Enough about that. I have wonderful news. For the next two months, I don't have to worry about the rent. Only food and... " She was cut short when Mira began to speak.

"Sorry, it took so long Lucy. Someone had to order the most difficult and elaborate order I've received in years," Mira said pointedly whilst half glaring at Pappa as if it had been his fault. Which was true in a way. The perpetrator had been Bickslow who had ordered börek with spinach. A delicious snack but it took almost an hour to make. And then, when it was done in no time it would be gone in no time at all. Especially with the speed Bickslow could eat. If she hadn't known it was his favourite, she would have refused to make it under the guise of 'We don't have any phyllo dough, sorry.'

"No problem at all. This sweet little thing kept me company," Lucy said indicating Pappa.

"And we were in de middle of a private conversation till you showed up," Pappa butted in hating the fact he was only a soul at the moment. His face, totem, was etched in one way. He couldn't subtly indicate others about anything using facial expressions.

"Pappa," Lucy admonished shocked by his rudeness, "there was no reason to sound like that. It isn't remotely secret what I wanted to say."

Mira only smiled serenely. She loved how the totem had sounded. It may have been rude but the little thing only wanted Lucy to feel safe. Though she may not say it or indicate in any other manner, Mira heard a lot more than her guildmates suspected she did. It was one of the ways how she knew who belonged together. Her gaze fell momentarily on the table on the second floor, the one with their very own seithmage behind it. Bickslow was one of the members she was secretly worried about. He had depended a lot on Laxus, another she was concerned about, and he was now gone. She hoped that the sudden close friendship his totem and Lucy meant the young blonde would get out of the bubble she had created for herself. It was true that Lucy could talk and had talked with almost everyone in the guild, but she always seemed to hold herself back. It even happened with her team and Levi, though she had it decidedly less when it came to them.

"It's no problem at all if you stay, Mira," Lucy continued, "in fact, I may need your input as well." She told Pappa and Mira how she prepaid her rent for the next to months, set aside some money for food and other necessities. Now came the crux of the matter. The money she had left would be great as a reserve for when Natsu and Gray would get in another one of their fights, but when she walked to the guildhall her eye had fallen upon a new silver key in the magic shop. Thanks to the price tag next to it, she knew she could afford it. However, she wouldn't have much money left after it. It would mean digging into her 'do-not-touch-except-when-absolutely-necessary savings' if or better said when Natsu and Gray'd destroy her apartment once again.

"You can't base your expenditure on the actions of another. Good friends or not. If they have any shred of decency they'd repair the damages or they'd reimburse you. Why should you pay for their mistakes? Seeing as it is a dilemma for you to even consider purchasing something for yourself, for your magic, it seems as if they'd never considered your wellbeing. How often have you had to lose part of your pay thanks to them?" Pappa's voice had gotten louder the more he spoke. He was pissed off, she may not have said it in so many words but it angered the little totem that his lovely saviour set herself aside only because two of her friends couldn't contain their anger at each other. It also made him realize that Lucy for all her happy bubbliness hid a level of insecurity in herself. He vowed to himself that he'd help her with it.

"It's alright, Pappa, "Lucy soothed, "they always get me out of a jam and protect me. Since I always need saving it's the least I can do." Her chest hurt when she thought about how strong all of her teammates were, while she was more like a cheerleader for them than anything else. It didn't matter how hard she tried, she always ended up abducted or attacked in such a way most of her clothing disappeared.

"I disagree, Lucy," Mira emphatically said, "I've known Natsu and Gray since we were children and I don't think they will ever stop fighting. Even if it's true you said, you shouldn't have to pay them back in such a way." Lucy stared wide-eyed to her two companions. Never had she ever heard she could do things for herself.

"But isn't it the norm to give a little and take a little? They give me a place to belong and I..."

"Stop it!" Pappa almost shouted. "What I am hearing is this, you want to get stronger so you'll be able to hold your own when your team gets in a jam." The totem slightly tilted his body to the side as if imploring her to be honest about it.

"O-of course I want that," she stammered. "And I will get there," she continued resolute, "I just have to give it time."

"What would you say if I told you I could help you with that?"

"Can you?" Lucy asked shocked. Never would she have imagined that the totem could help her with such a thing. It was obvious he was talking about her magical prowess, the little totem couldn't help her with her physical strength. She knew it was a big no-no to do most of the exercises when you didn't know what you were doing. Many of them could have negative consequences if you did them incorrectly.

"Of course I can," the totem boasted. He was silent for a while before saying he'd loved talking to both girls but that he had to go. "Just buy the key, it's obvious you want it. And if it's any consolation you could tell yourself its for the betterment of the team. Which is true, more keys, more diversity." Then he flew up to the second floor immediately in conversation with his daddy who had just taken the last bite of his appetizer.

"I never knew Pappa could be so passionate about someone who wasn't Bickslow," Mira giggled. It truly was a cute sight how the two were around each other. And if she wasn't mistaken her new 'probably could work couple' would soon be in closer quarters with each other. She hoped she had the chance to see it, though time will tell.

"Well, he is a very special little totem. That's one thing that I know for certain."  
_____________________________________________

That same day, late in the afternoon when Lucy was in deep conversation with Levy and Pappa about her book she suddenly flew to the ground with a scream. "Lucyyy," Natsu and Happy yelled in her ear. "We missed you so much. Why didn't you come with us?"

"Get of off me, you dimwit!" Lucy yelled just as loud, though happy, back. She felt like she was getting crushed by a large boulder. "I'm happy to see you two too. Where are the others? How was the job? I had not expected you back yet. "

"We took the express train," Erza said whilst grabbing Natsu and Happy by the collar. Leaving Lucy to catch her breath after getting the wind knocked out of her. "What have I told you two about keeping others in one piece?"

"Save it, Erza," Gray smirked, "those two idiots can't control themselves."

"What did you say Ice-prick?" Natsu hissed somehow getting out of Erza's grip and knocking his head against the ice-mage.

"That you can't control yourself flame-brain. What did you want to do about it?" Gray replied pushing back hard.

"Doesn't it get old always being around this?" Pappa asked Lucy who had stood up after a while and had taken back her seat. They watched as Erza pulled them off each other.

"My apologies for these two," she cordially said to the little group, "I'll take them off your hands now so you can continue your conversation." It hadn't escaped Erza's notice that Lucy had been in the middle of a discussion when they'd returned to the guild. She would have plenty of time to talk to her favourite blond after she had concluded it. In the meanwhile, she had to educate her other two teammates again. And not to forget a certain blue-haired cat whom if he was smart would follow her.

"Nah, Erza has them well in hand. It's only when she's not around that those two really make a mess. It surprises me that they haven't commented on you joining me and Levy with our book discussions. And getting back to it, what were you saying about the interaction between Jemi and Talla?"

Their conversation continued again as if the interruption had not happened at all. After Lucy had gotten enough feedback to plunge back into her novel they put an end to the discussion.

"Shall we continue reading your newest book tomorrow Levy? That's if Pappa can join us?" she asked pleadingly. She was referring to the book Levy had gotten from a job the other day. Her and Pappa both loved it. It contained so much hidden history. Of course, they couldn't be sure it happened precisely like it, but it opened more doors. Giving them a chance to make up their minds as it gave a broader perspective.

"I can't tomorrow," Levy answered apologetically, "I'll be going on another job with shadow gear. Not everyone is as lucky as you Luce. Some of us have to take multiple jobs to pay the rent." Lucy knew Levy was just teasing her, normally it was Lucy who had to take up multiple jobs due to the fact her team caused so much destruction.

"I'll be going back to daddy now," Pappa said looking up to the second floor, "he'll want to go home soon I think. Don't forget that we'll be working on your magic tomorrow."

"I won't," Lucy reassured him giving a little kiss upon his head, "see you, tomorrow Pappa."

"I'll be going to," Levy said putting her things away, "we'll have an early day tomorrow so I probably should head off on home."

"Good luck with your job," Lucy said to her friend, "how long will it take?"

"It shouldn't take more than a few days. Bye Luce, see you soon."

"Bye-bye." Looking around the guild she didn't see her team anywhere. She glanced at the clock. No, they hadn't taken long to finish their conversation. Where had they gotten so fast? Shrugging Lucy headed to the exit. She was sure that she would see them soon enough. Just knowing they were back, filled her with happiness. The lonely feeling she always dragged around certainly eased up with their presence. Yet when she thought about it, in a very short time Pappa had caused the same. Giving her goodbye's to the guild as a whole she headed on home. Determined to make a slight detour, the shop was still open and hopefully, the key hadn't been bought already.


	5. Chapter 5

Snuggling deeper into her blanket Lucy let out a contented sigh feeling her hair tickling her nose. She raised her hand to brush it away only for it to fall right back where it previously was. Again, she brushed it away. Harumphing she opened her eyes to deal with the pesky lock of hair only to come face to face with a sleeping Natsu. It was no wonder her bed was so comfy despite the cold morning, Lucy mused sleepily. It also explained why she felt a cold breeze run through her bedroom. He must have forgotten to close the window.

Wait. Window open, Natsu in bed...

"Natsu!" she yelled poking him in the side. "Get out." She poked him again.

"Luceee," he whined in response, "stop poking."

"Not until you've departed my bedroom," she huffed. To emphasize her words she kept poking him.

"Don't wannaaaa." Having a very bright idea, according to himself at least, Natsu turned around. 'Hah, now she can't poke me anymore,' he thought triumphant. However, before he knew it he was lying on the ground. His change of position had allowed Lucy to kick him out of her bed. Since she'd accidentally kicked him in the groin, she'd withheld herself from kicking when he was facing towards her. Lucy crawled to the edge of her bed and peered to the ground beneath her seeing Natsu all crumpled up on the floor. Smiling sweetly at him she thanked him for abiding by her wishes.

"Why didn't you go to Lisanne?" she asked genuinely wondering. It was obvious to her that something was brewing between the two. It had been obvious that there was something even before Lisanne had returned from Edolas. She'd thought that now the third Strauss had returned Natsu would crawl in her bed.

Natsu paled at her question. "Do you know what Elfman would do if he found me there."

"He'd kill you, tell Mirajane and than she would dig you up to kill you all over again," Lucy answered brightly. Natsu got even paler. He had forgotten about Mirajane, she'd be there too. Sending a silent thank you to Lisanne for warning him before he'd got in deep shit, he sat upright. "When is breakfast ready?" he asked willing the visions of a furious she-devil away.

"You've got a lot of nerve," Lucy huffed flicking her pink-haired companion between the eyes.

"Pleeaaassee Luce," Natsu whined giving her his best puppy-dog eyes. His stomach chose that exact moment to rumble loudly. Seeing that she wasn't about to give in he added: "And you're chilli-cheese omelettes are to die for. Please please please."

"Alright then," Lucy conceded. She loved to cook. Loved it even more when she saw other people enjoying the dish she'd made especially if it contained ingredients they claimed to dislike. Take Natsu for example, when he'd first gotten an egg with his breakfast at her place he refused to eat it. Not being downhearted by it Lucy had given herself the mission to make a meal with eggs he'd like. A spicy omelette had been the answer. In her experience, you could always make something which tastes bad twist in such a way it'll taste good or at the least decent. With Natsu, it had been easy to twist it, make it spicy that's the ticket. Grey hadn't been that difficult either. She had smoked the chicken filet using it in a salad with cooled farfalle. Only Erza stumped her, she hated all vegetables.

Without further ado, she stood up from her cosy bed and went to her kitchen. There she took out all of the ingredients she needed for the dish Natsu had asked for. Whilst she was fixing the meal she made sure to prepare something for Happy as well. Though she hadn't yet seen the blue cat, she knew that where Natsu was, Happy was not far behind. Not long after preparing the fish, Lucy brought the dishes out to the table. Just as she had thought Happy and Natsu both sat at her table with a knife and fork in hand. Where they had gotten them was an enigma. She'd been in the kitchen the whole time and hadn't seen nor heard either of them. "Anything to drink?" she asked chipper loving how they couldn't wait to eat.

"I'd like milk," Happy shouted, well happily grabbing a serving of roasted salmon, "thanks, Lucy!"

"Yeah, I'd like that purple thing we had before fighting those bad guys." Lucy stared at Natsu, who was just as his cat helping himself to the food. Where in the name of Mavis was he talking about, Lucy wondered.

"You know," Natsu said slowly as if she was a bit dimwitted, "the bad guys with the snake-guy. Before the first time, not when they wanted to make a clock out of you."

"Thanks for the reminder," Lucy grumbled. Leave it to Natsu to bring up such things as if he'd were talking about the weather. Shaking it off she went to the kitchen. "Now where did I have that stuff again," she mumbled under her breath. Ignoring the disgusting eating sounds she heard even there, she went through the cabinets. At long last, she found the Shiso juice. Filling two cups with it and pouring milk in a mug she went back to the breakfast table.

"What the hell," she muttered, her eyes wide. In shock, she set down the drinks. Where there had been a mountain of food before, there was only one little slice of toast left. "You pigs," she shouted to the other two. "I leave only for a moment..." Her stomach rumbled loudly. She had looked forward to eating and now there was nothing left. Natsu groaned in response patting his bloated belly in satisfaction.

"But Lucy," Happy said innocently, "we were only thinking of you. Now you won't have to worry about getting even fatter."

"Get OUT," she growled through clenched teeth. When the duo didn't leave fast enough, according to the blond, she threw a shoe after them for good measure.

___________________________________________________________

Natsu and Happy went straight away to the guildhall. Once there they saw Wendy and Carla happily chatting away. They had been wondering what had gotten into Lucy all of a sudden. She could always make more, couldn't she?

"Carla?" Happy asked sadly, "can I have a hug?"

"No, you most certainly can not," the white cat sniped. She was having a great morning with her best friend until the tomcat came ruining it again. She was sure that the stupid cat would offer her a fish again before the third sentence was said.

"But Lucy was mean to me," he whined tears springing in his eyes. First Lucy was mean to him and now Carla was aloof as ever. He had hoped that her heart was big enough to see his sorrows.

"I am positive you have brought it upon yourself tomcat," she answered turning her head away in an attempt to discontinue the conversation. "If you don't mind I was conversing with Wendy here."

"Don't be mean Carla," Wendy said, "can't you see he's hurting?" She went to give happy a hug who gratefully accepted it. "What happened?" she asked softly.

"We- we were at Lucy's house and she'd made yummy breakfast. And then she went.." Happy trailed off, he didn't understand what they had done wrong. Sure breakfast had been a bit bigger than normal but Lucy loved to cook. They had only helped her.

"Lucy went to get all of us drinks and when she got back she went crazy on us," Natsu continued.

"Was there anything different when she got back?" Wendy probed. By now she had learned what Natsu was like and knew he could be thoughtless at times. It wasn't anything malicious, she was certain of it. However, sometimes he went too far.

"No, not really," Natsu answered, "We only ate the food. That's whats it for."

"I can assume you have left enough for Lucy?" Carla asked.

"We left her toast."

"A whole slice," Happy shouted out triumphantly, temporarily forgetting his sadness.

"Natsu?" Wendy began carefully, "One piece of toast isn't enough for breakfast."

"It isn't?" Natsu responded genuinely surprised. "But Lucy is a girl. They don't eat much."

"They eat less than you, yes. Though one piece of toast is hardly enough."

"Oh." Natsu pondered for a while before getting up. "Come on Happy," he shouted whilst running out of the hall, "we're going to catch much fish to make it up to Lucy."

"Yes, sir," Happy answered flying after him.

"Those two can be such a bother at times," Carla sighed resigned.

"They mean well."

___________________________________________________________

In the meantime, Lucy had been cleaning her kitchen and dining table. She hadn't calculated for the appetite of her two friends to increase even further. She could make more but that would mean she wouldn't have any dinner. Luckily she still had some rice left. Even though it was bland, it was better than nothing and now her hunger had abated.

She fished her newly acquired key out of her bag, the cause for her, again, low funds and hugged it tightly. She didn't regret getting the silver key one bit. A key meant a new member of her family. She was excited to get a contract with the spirit. Ever since she was a young girl she had wanted the Swan-key. Taking a deep breath to collect herself, Lucy held the silver key high in the air. " Open gate of the Cygnus constellation, Deneb," she spoke clearly. A black-haired, pale-skinned man appeared before her. He had large bags under his eyes and dark clothing. He was almost the opposite of how Lucy had envisioned the swan spirit to look like. First, she had thought he would be a she and second she'd thought he would be a lot more bright in appearance.

"Figures," the spirit said morosely, "I finally get chosen and it is a ditz." Shaking off her stupor Lucy grabbed her notepad and pencil from the table.

"Hi my name is Lucy and I'd love to make a contract with you, "she said chipper, deciding to ignore his comment. He had every right to be upset with her, she had behaved rather rudely to him. She wouldn't show how much his words hurt her. Her celestial spirits had been her family ever since her mom died. Even before that, they had been there for her ever since she could remember. There was nothing in heaven or earth she wouldn't do for her keys. They were more to her than objects to own. That some people thought of them as that precise thing cut through her deeply. Why couldn't people just see how wonderfully amazing spirits were? As full of life and temperament as the people you met on the street? And in some cases spirits had even more personality. "And I'd like to apologize for staring. It's just, I expected you to be a bit different than you are, not that there is anything wrong with how you appear..." Trailing off she mentally berated herself. 'Great going Lucy. Way to make him feel welcome.'

"Why?" Deneb sighed.

"Because I see al my keys as friends. You're all like my family and I'd love it if you'd like to join us." The swan spirit looked away, hunching his shoulders. Sighing deeply he told her how he wouldn't be a great addition. She should leave him to rot, it wasn't like he had anything to add. Taken aback by his words Lucy slowly approached him.

"I won't force you into a contract if you're opposed to it. Just know that I won't think of you as a bother. Every spirit is different, some are happy go lucky, others are a bit morose. But if there's one thing I know for sure is that every single one of you is a great addition. Be it as a companion like Plue, my dog-spirit, or Lyra. Each and every one of you has so many qualities and you are no different. I may not know you yet but if you let me, I'd love to."

"The only days I'm not available are Sundays. Though I still don't think I'll be of any use."

Laying her hand on his shoulder in comfort she squeezed it softly. "I'm sure you are more than that even if you can't see it yourself."

"I'll be going now," he answered simply and vanished. Lucy didn't know how to feel. For one she had a new friend but he seemed so depressed. Was he always like this? Determined to make him feel included she decided to do her best to get to know her new spirit. With this thought in her mind, Lucy made way to the guildhall.

___________________________________________________________

"Bix come on, I want to go to the guildhall already," Papa whined. He had waited all morning for his daddy to go though he seemed to drag his feet today. And why? Hell if Pappa knew.

"Shut your whining," Bickslow bit out. He knew why Pappa was so eager to go. The last couple of days he spent a lot of time with Lucy. Ever since she saved him, he'd hardly seen his totem. What was it about her that his totem found so interesting? Sure, she was writing a novel but it couldn't be any good. Since the whole debacle with Phantom Lord, everyone in the guild was aware that she had come from money. Not a very likely person to write a novel with depth, something he knew his little totem loved the most. Furthermore, she was just a ditzy blonde. So why was his oldest totem so taken with her? Getting an idea he quirked his eyebrow at Pappa. "Do you really want to go that badly?" he asked giving nothing away.

"Thought that was obvious," the little totem replied.

"Alright, let's go," Bickslow shouted eagerly letting his tongue roll out. Pappa was taken aback by the sudden shift in demeanour. Quietly thinking to himself about the reason why he followed his daddy to the guildhall. Not even noticing how the other totems trailed after them. They had been strangely quiet as of late. Something Bickslow had noticed but hadn't commented on. The goofy magician knew it had something to do with the bond between Pappa and Lucy, knew it was an omen for changes. Although for the betterment or not for his totems he couldn't decide. If it turned out that his totems would draw the short end of the stick, he vowed to himself, he wouldn't rest until the danger to them had passed. No matter the cost.


End file.
